Empress Justine

I knew that today was going to be a bit messy.

As I’ve previously shared, I’m incontinent. I have dual incontinence, which is a combination of urinary and fecal incontinence. There are several ways to manage incontinence. I’m comfortable with diaper use. Full tab-style briefs use. Actual adult diapers with thorough padding from front to back, with hourglass shaped padding and sticky tapes or velcro tabs. The premium brands like Abena, NorthShore, Sunkiss, etc. I tend to exclusively rely on adult diapers, and I tend to use them 24/7.

I wore a pink MegaMax Lite before bed. The original plan was to stay up a bit late, take courses on LinkedIn Learning for at least 30 minutes, do my oral care routine, change into a fresh diaper, then go to bed a bit before midnight. Instead of doing that, I fell asleep during a LinkedIn Learning course.

It was a course on IT components and peripherals. I have other goals with LinkedIn Learning, and the course was a bit below my current skill level, but I was too lightheaded and tired after a full Saturday for any major courses. I was barely able to create an Amazon Web Services account, to practice my AWS skills to maintain my Solutions Architect (Associate level) certification.

Turns out I was too tired for an intro to IT course. When I woke up at 1am, my stomach was cramping in odd ways. I thought it might have been muscular, since I had been rucking for an hour in a large local nature preserve, but I also suspected that my innards were getting active for major bowel activity. I changed into a medium Bambino Cloudee, which is from a case that I had purchased years ago, back when a medium size would have fit. As of right now, for several adult diaper brands, I am comfortably a large size.

Adult diapers lose their absorbency over time, and money is a bit tight, so I’m using my old supply of diapers every so often to save money, even when things like size are an issue. I used shipping tape on top of the diaper’s tapes, to reinforce them.

I did my oral care routine, stayed up for another hour or so, then attempted to fall asleep. I was freely wetting my Bambino Cloudee throughout the late night hours as I slept.

I woke up at around 9am, did my morning oral care routine, then drove to a nearby grocery store for brunch. I got home, ate my brunch, and changed into a fresh pink Sunkiss with a LivDry booster. The Sunkiss seems to be based off of the NorthShore MegaMax, so the sizes run a bit large. I can comfortably wear a medium size for both the Sunkiss and the MegaMax, though a large size would be more thorough with its coverage.

A large size would stay above my tail bone the entire time, at least. It would be more tricky to keep a large size covered while in public, but I like the feeling of security that a diaper covered tail bone gives me. It’s like I’m perfectly sealed in a cloud of protective absorbency around the most tender region of my entire body.

I drove to some nearby nature trails within a nearby small nature preserve. I decided to ruck in them for a while, so that my body could process the abdominal pains that I’d been feeling since 1am. I knew that I’d likely have a poopy diaper, so the plan was to ruck for a bit until it would happen. I was trying to assist my body in triggering a bowel movement. Here is the end result:

It ended up being a fair amount of freely flowing diarrhea. I have issues with detecting the need to urinate or defecate, to the point that some physicians have suspected conditions like neurogenic bladder, and I have issues with loose and watery bowel movements, which greatly negate my ability to retain feces. I used to soil myself on a semi-regular basis as a kid.

I’m just waiting out for the diarrhea to get finished before I act. I’ve had follow-up bowel movements while on my incontinence pad. There is some risk taking involved, with bowel movements and diapers. Frequent diaper use makes skin more sensitive and more vulnerable to exposure to bodily waste. Longer amounts of exposure can lead to larger amounts of sensitivity and vulnerability. It’s sort of like how damage lowers the armor level in “Black Mesa.” Exposure to major bodily waist lowers the armor level or resilience of my skin, which leads to issues with skin health.

If I choose to leave myself exposed to bodily waste for long periods of time, I need to be prepared, and I need to do it sparingly. I applied a layer of petroleum jelly before I put on my current pink Sunkiss with the LivDry booster. That gave my skin’s resilience a boost, but that has its limits. My skin will be at a heightened level of vulnerability for a while, so I should avoid long periods of exposure to bodily waste for a while.

Situations like this are why I need to have a private space to myself. I need to lease a space, even if only to use it for times in which I need nigh absolute privacy with an adequate amount of physical space and casual access to personal resources. I’ll need the space for personal exercise, some forms of personal leisure, managing incontinence, cleaning myself up casually, creating content, maintaining my pre-existing certifications while also seeking further education, a full gender transition, and other things.

As long as I can freely drive around with a private vehicle, then I can always access the space with no major issues.